Published On: Wed, Dec 30th, 2015

6 Causes for attracting wrong guys

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Everyone wants perfection but sometimes, mostly in relationships, it happens that you chose a wrong one and then moan on it. But if it happens again and again then it means that you are on the wrong direction. Initially, they all seem different but at the end you feel there is not anything close to being Mr. Right.

Her experts have elaborated some reasons why you may be attracting wrong guys.

  1. You are scared of being alone

Sometimes you want to be close with someone to share your feelings and don’t want to be single. You want to stay in relationships just to avoid being alone, and that’s never a good thing.

Psychotherapist Elisabeth J LaMotte, founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center, states that “Women who know how to enjoy their own company and build an independent, fulfilling life are in a much better position to choose a worthy and suitable partner. When you feel anxious or afraid to be alone, you usually haven’t developed a strong enough sense of self. That can lead you to choose romantic partners from a place of desperation rather than a place of strength.”

  1. You haven’t decided what your relationship deal breakers are

Everyone has likes and dislikes and some persons don’t like certain things in their partners that can be a cause for relation breaker, so think these things, causes, and remedies, then try to avoid the guys who have those traits.

Jennifer Barrows, a wellness coach based in Boston, states that “Before you fall for Mr. Wrong all over again, do some thinking about your values, what you want in a partner, and which things would break the deal for you.”

  1. You think you can change him

In the beginning, all the women think that they’ll change her boy with her love and affection but after a lot of efforts they cannot do this. Some small quirks may be changeable, but you won’t be able to change his major personality traits and individual problems, so stop trying.

Jennifer Barrows correctly summarized by stating that “If you are already saying to yourself that you can change him, think about what that really means. It means that he has smashed right up against one of your deal breakers. He won’t change, you will give up one of your core values in trying to change him and there will only be conflict and heartbreak in the end.”

  1. You haven’t figured out what you need in life, independent of relationships

Most of the women always think about their boys, their likes, and dislikes, their issues and remedies. Instead of focusing on the guy, focus on yourself, your likes, dislikes and your issues. Focus on your goals, your aims in life, apart from your relationship, and work for it.

Divorce coach Kira Gould states that “We will continue to make the same mistake over and over again until we learn our lesson — whatever that mistake might be, including dating the wrong type of guy. If we don’t pay attention to what our core issues are, the lessons just keep getting louder and the guys get worse and worse.

  1. All the guys you fall for seem to have creepily similar qualities

Jennifer Barrows states that “It goes against logic to keep choosing guys that will ultimately hurt you, but matters of the heart are not always logical. You’d like to think that you won’t go for someone whose values rub you the wrong way, but if you’ve done it 10 times before, it has become familiar and you might mistake it for feeling right.”

  1. You don’t think you deserve better than what you have

Sometimes it happens that you suffer in a relationship again and again and ultimately blame yourself for it.

Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince, states that “It really comes down to us and what we feel we deserve, which is something that can only be worked out internally. If you’re constantly finding yourself in relationships with people who devalue or disrespect you, the question really becomes, ‘What am I getting out of this?’ Is it reinforcement that you’re not good enough, can’t do better or aren’t worth more? Ultimately, the question is not how to change your partner but how to make changes that will attract (and make you attracted to) healthier partners.”

About the Author

Sidra Muntaha

- Sidra Tul Muntaha is a journalist (MA-Mass Communication and M.Phil in Mass Communication) based in Lahore. She is working as an editor at fashion, style and entertainment in the section of the Kooza. She writes fashion and entertainment articles for The Kooza News.

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